Phase 2 Part B Major Testing Day (pg5)

12/1/2010. Edit Pages
Today begins with the 1 1/2 drive to Lahey with my Stepmum, I drove and yup that traffic is horrible but we arrive on time for my first of many appointments today. First stop is the lab, yuk...I met with my team doctor, Kristen Robson, she is pretty great, got a full exam right down to the ole booby touching exam and she scheduled me for more blood work and a Colonoscopy and Endoscopy so that we can get a definitive answer to the autoimmune disease I may have. O boy cant wait for that!!  I met with a Psychiatrist and a Social Worker and if you ever thought you were sane, ya wait cause right now I feel like a total loon!! I have no use for psychiatrists, this poor women looked like she needed a vacation. She had a 3 weeks of root growth and had to keep referring to my "notes" so she could "know" who I was. She was nice but I am not a fan of redundancy and probing questions into my childhood that have no relevance to my current life. They ask you "Is anyone pressuring you to make this decision" my answer. "Well to some degree, yes there is pressure. This is my father and I hold the piece that will give him his health back or not" So yes there is pressure and if anyone tells you there is not, well they are lying!" Ummm ya she looked shocked at my candor, but hey I tell it like it is. This scary, I am scared. I am scared for me, I have never spent more than 24 hours in hospital and that was just for the birth of my son. I have never had  broken bone or a stitch so ya getting cut open and having a giant scar down the middle of my belly is scary and sort of sucks. I am a woman so vanity plays a factor here too. I am scared for my father, after all he is the one that is sick, and I have never seen my father weak in any way. I am scared for my Stepmum, who is holding on to hope and sanity by a thread. Though we have been optimistic there are so many risk factors involved. This is major surgery and for me it is elective. I am overwhelmed today, but keeping it together as I listen and absorb all that I am being poked and prodded about. Yup gonna have a good cry tonight cause the truth is even with all the support in the world there is a scared little girl in me that just needs to cry for the sake of crying.