3am Thoughts...Sleep?? Really? Whats that? (pg12)

"Life is merely the sum of all the memories in which you create for yourself. Some good, some bad but it is the one's that leave you breathless and make your heart smile that matter the most." (ME)
 What I have learned  in the past 2 years about what matters the most is not something you can learn in a book. I have taken many risks in my life, some calculated, some flying by the seat of my pants but for every risk the experience and the wisdom I have gained is what has given me the courage to do this for my Dad.

I have met so many amazing, gifted, loving, silly, gentile, brilliant, intelligent, beautiful people along the way and every encounter has only enlightened me and made me know that life is very precious and if you have the opportunity to give something back to others and you don't, you are truly missing out on what living is about. It is not about destinations it is about the journey, it's about how much light you allow into your life. No one person is a Saint or a Sinner we are all connected in some way, and just when you think your alone, guess what there is someone else that "gets it".  I truly believe that the people you connect with whether the encounter is brief or lasting, somewhere there was a divine plan for you to meet.
I am truly grateful for Lynne my stepmum, for all that she is and for all that she is not. What we have been going through together, though alot is unspoken  I could have never gotten through all this testing with out her. She has supported me, listened to me bitch, cry and just knew how to sit in the beautiful comfortable silence that we all sometimes just take for granted.  She "gets it" even when I don't give her that credit of "getting it" she does, and if anyone is super human it has to be her. Dad in spite of how debilitating his disease is, he has laughed with me every day and every day he makes the effort to keep fighting when most would have just given up. Watching this disease eat at him every day has ripped my heart out, but it is the laughter that we share everyday that mends me.  I am grateful for my Ladies that have "covered me" and let me just come undone, Cindy Ohara-Hamel, Elizabeth Shaw, Kathy Glass,  and Wendy Medeiros you ladies have been my light when everything felt dark, listen to me babble, made me laugh, hugged me (which you know how I am not a touchy feely person) and have come to find me when I was lost.  I am grateful for everyone that has come close or has offered positive thoughts to the universe for us. For every positive thought that was sent out, we are finally getting to what we need, so keep them coming!!  I believe this quote sums it up best..

"In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices."(ELP)

I have  received numerous accolades since this all began, truth is I am scared as anyone should be. I do not feel that I am "special" in any way. I am the proud daughter of a man that many adore and he would do the same for me, after all the apple never falls far from the tree and if you have the pleasure of knowing my Dad, than you know what I mean, he is kinda bad ass and this world needs his light. 

I would hope that anyone in our situation would do the same for their family member.  Although I have learned that many would not, makes me sad to think that selflessness for some is throwing money in the red pot out side of Walmart at Christmas time.  I suppose the ole cliche of "It takes all kinds to make the world go around"has validity but I would rather not be associated with those types, thanks.  

So these are my thoughts  at 3am I needed to tell, because, well I am Mellie and I got more layers than an onion.( Good gawwwd, whats with the cliche's all of sudden?? lol) and as my theme song of the month  goes.."sometimes we carry more weight than we own and sometimes, it goes on and on...but I am good with that, I take pride in knowing that I am one of those people that can carry the weight for others when needed.....all ask is bring chocolate, cause, well chocolate makes every thing better..... 

(link below to my theme song of the month)

Sometimes- Candlebox